Sharon’s Story
Brad, my husband was 43 in 2005 when he was diagnosed with arteriosclerosis. His doctor ordered him to quit smoking. He did, every Monday for seven years. I hated Mondays. I remember saying, “For God’s sake, quit or smoke, but stop this quitting all the time!” I had no intention of quitting because I was terrified of gaining weight—besides, he was the one with the heart problem.
Brad quit but I continued to smoke. Every day Brad would point his finger at me and say, “If I managed to quit smoking for six months, you’re quitting!” Every time I had tried to quit in the past I suffered from severe anxiety and I had no intentions of putting myself through that again. I thought, “I’ll have this beat in a couple of weeks.” I lasted three days and came to the conclusion that I was beyond help.
My denial was so great that I honestly believed I smoked one pack a day. After counting my Benson and Hedges on a daily basis for two weeks, I discovered that in fact, I was smoking two packs a day. So I went to my doctor and got started on a treatment program to stop smoking. I began to take the medication and a week later I quit smoking at midnight.
“Just don’t smoke and go to the support group,” I kept repeating to myself. The veteran group members explained what was happening physically and psychologically. I needed constant reassurance that it would get better.
I had to hear what it was like when one relapsed. I had to have other people listen to my complaints and fears.
I felt exhausted and experienced a constant sense of loss—I avoided smokers for nine months, afraid that in one of my “shaky” moments I might take a cigarette.
Through all of this it wasn’t that I wanted to smoke so much as I wanted to escape from these bad feelings—and occasionally would entertain the notion that nicotine might do that.
I must remember that this addiction may be with me for a long time. I enjoy not smoking immensely.
I love the freedom to go wherever I want and not to think about it. I’m really grateful.
I’m in awe that I finally stopped smoking because for almost 30 years I didn’t think I could.
I want to thank everyone who helped me get this far. I’m so happy.
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